(Now) Your butt is wide, well mine is too.
(Now) Just watch your mouth, or I'll sit on you.
(Now) The word is out, better treat me right,
(Now) Cause I'm the king of cellulite.
Ham on (now) ham on ham on whole wheat, (now) all right.
(Now) My zippers bust, my buckles break.
(Now) I'm too much man for you to take.
(Now) The pavement cracks when I fall down.
(Now) I've got more chins than Chinatown. (now)
Well I've never used a phone booth,
And I've never seen my toes. (now)
When I'm goin' to the movies
I take up seven rows.
Because I'm fat, I'm fat--come on.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--come on you know.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
Don'tcha call me pudgy, portly or stout.
Just tell me once again: Who's fat?
Huha huha huha huha huha
(Now) When I walk out to get my mail,
(Now) It measures on the Richter scale.
(Now) Down at the beach I'm a lucky man.
(Now) I'm the only one who gets a tan.
(Now) If I have one more pie a la mode
(Now) I'm gonna need my own zip code.
(Now) When you're only having seconds,
(Now) I'll be having twenty-thirds.
(Now) When I go to get my shoes shined,
I gotta take their word.
Because I'm fat, I'm fat--come on.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it you know.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds.
Lemme tell you once again who's fat.
(Now) If you see me comin' your way,
(Now) Better give me plenty space.
(Now) If I tell you that I'm hungry,
Then won't you feed my face.
Because I'm fat, I'm fat--come on.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it you know.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
Woo woo woo. (When I sit around the house,
I really sit around the house).
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--come on.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it, you know it.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know you know you know--come on.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
And you know all by myself I'm a crowd.
Lemme tell you once again.
You know I'm huge, I'm fat, you know it.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat--you know, hoo.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it, you know.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
And the whole world knows I'm fat and I'm proud.
Just tell me once again--who's fat?
Stuck In A Closet With Vanna White
Doctor, every night I have the strangest dreams-uh.
Doctor, listen to me, tell me what this means-uh.
First I'm goin' shoppin' in my underwear,
Then all of sudden I'm floating in mid air.
My lips fall off and everybody starts to stare.
Donuts and hot dogs are flying everywhere.
Now Doctor, wait a minute, you ain't heard nothin' yet-uh.
Next comes the part that I won't ever forget-uh.
Now I'm bein' followed by these Russian spies.
They give me some velcro, and an order of fries.
Suddenly I'm bowling on the Starship Enterprise.
I fall down a hole and that's when I realize
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
Night after night after night after night.
All right!
Doctor, won't you tell me, am I going insane-uh?
Was it something I ate, or something wrong with my brain-uh?
See, I'm naked in church when I meet a dinosaur.
Try to run, but my feet have been nailed to the floor.
Then a midget pushes me through a revolving door,
And I'm back in the very same place I was before.
Now, I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
Night after night after night after night.
(And I can't bust out, and I can't break free)
And it's gettin' just a little too stuffy here for me.
(And I can't go home, and I can't get loose,)
And I try to escape, but it's just no use.
(And I can't ever leave, and I can't ever win)
And we're runnin' outta air, and the walls are closin' in.
(And I can't go back, and I can't get through)
But Vanna, since you're here, why don't you let me buy a vowel from you?
Come on Vanna, come on!
Ow! bbbbbbb!
Doctor, all those crazy dreams have started again-uh.
That's right, I even wake up screaming now and then-uh.
See, I'm coming home from work, but I forgot my address.
I'm half an hour late for my algebra test.
Then some slimy alien jumps out of my chest,
And I'm falling and falling, and I guess you know the rest.
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
Night after night after night after night
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
Stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
N-n-n-night after night after ni-ni-night.
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
Yea yea yea yea, yea yea, yea yea yea.
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
Night after night after night after night.
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
Yea yea yea yea yea yea yea yea yea yea.
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White.
(This Song's Just) Six Words Long
(parody of "Got My Mind Set On You" by George Harrison)
This song's just six words long.
This song's just six words long.
This song's just six words long.
This song's just six words long.
Couldn't think of any lyrics.
No, I never wrote the lyrics,
So I'll just sing any old lyrics
That come to mind, child.
You really need words,
Whole lotta rhymin' words,
You gotta write so many words. Mm,
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it,
To do it, to do it right, child.
This song's just six words long.
This song's just six words long.
This song's just six words long.
This song's just six words long.
I know that you're probably sore
'Cause I didn't write any more.
I just didn't get to complete it,
So that's why I gotta repeat it.
This song's just six words long.
(Six words long.)
This song's just six words long.
(Six words long.)
Oh, I make a lotta money.
They pay me a ton of money.
They're payin' me plenty of money
To sing this song, child.
I gotta fill time,
Three minutes worth of time.
Oh, how will I fill so much time? Mm.
I'll throw in a solo, a solo, a solo.
A solo, a solo here.
This song's just six words long.
This song's just six words long.
This song's just six words long.
This song's just six words long.
This song's got nothin' to say,
But I'm recording it anyway.
I know if I put my mind to it,
I know I could fing a good rhyme here.
Oh, you gotta have-a music,
You need really catchy music.
This song has got plenty of music,
But just six words, child.
And so I sing 'em over
And over and over and over,
And over and over and over. Mm,
And over and over and over and over
And over and over again.
Six words long. Six words long. Six words long. Six words long.
Six words long. Six words long. Six words long. Six words long.
Six words long. Six words long. Six words long. Six words long.
This song's just six words long. It's just six words long.
You Make Me
You make me wanna slam my head against the wall.
You make me do the limbo.
You make me wanna buy a slurpee at the mall.
You make me watch the Gong Show.
There's really something kinda strange about you, baby, but I can't exactly seem to put my finger on it.
You make me, you make me, you make me.
That's what you do to me.
You make me wanna hide a weasel in my shorts.
You make me wanna phone home.
You make me wanna write a dozen book reports,
Then pack myself in styrofoam.
Sometimes you make me want to build a model of the Eiffel Tower out of Belgian waffles.
You make me, you make me, you make me.
That's what you do to me.
That's what you do,
That's what you do.
That's what you do to me.
You make me wanna hang out in a trailer park,
Then take my hamster to the beach.
You make me wanna do my laundry in the dark,
And use a recommended bleach.
When I'm with you, I don't know whether I should study neurosurgery or go to see the Care Bears movie.
You make me, you make me, you make me.
That's what you do to me.
(You make me) That's what you do,
(You make me) That's what you do.
That's what, what you do to me.
That's what you do to me,
That's what you do to me.
That's what you do to me.
Oh--woo--oh.
You make me wanna break the laws of time and space.
You make me wanna eat pork.
You make me wanna staple bagels to my face,
Then remove 'em with a pitchfork.
You know there's something quite unusual about you, but I can't exactly seem to put my finger on it.
You make me, you make me, you make me.
That's what you do to me.
(You make me) That's what you do,
(You make me) That's what you do.
(You make me) That's what, what you do to me.
(You make me) That's what you do,
(You make me) That's what you do.
(You make me) That's what you d-d-d-do to me.
(You make me) That's what you do,
(You make me) That's what you do.
(You make me) That's what you do to me!
I Think I'm A Clone Now
(parody of "I Think We're Alone Now" by Tiffany)
Isn't it strange?
Feels like I'm lookin' in the mirror.
What would people say,
If only they knew that I was
Part of some geneticist's plan,
Born to be a carbon copy man.
There in a petri dish, late one night,
They took a donor's body cell and fertilized a human egg, and so I say
I think I'm a clone now. (a clone now)
There's always two of me just a-hangin' around.
I think I'm a clone now, (a clone now)
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down.
Look at the way
We go out walkin' close together.
I guess you could say
I'm really beside myself.
I still remember how it began,
They produced a carbon copy man.
Born in a science lab, late one night.
Without a mother or a father, just a test tube and a womb with a view.
I think I'm a clone now. (a clone now)
There's always two of me just a-hangin' around.
I think I'm a clone now, (a clone now)
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down.
I think I'm a clone now, (a clone now)
And I can stay at home while I'm out of town.
I think I'm a clone now, (a clone now)
'Cause every pair of genes is a hand-me-down.
Signing autographs for my fans,
Come and meet the carbon copy man.
Livin' in stereo, it's all right.
Well, I can be my own best friend, and I can send myself for pizza, so I say
I think I'm a clone now.
Another one of me's always hangin' around.
I think I'm a clone now,
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down.
I think I'm a clone now. ( a clone now)
I've been on Oprah Winfrey, I'm world-renowned.
I think I'm a clone now. (a clone now)
And every pair of genes is a hand-me-down.
I think I'm a clone now. (a clone now)
That's my genetic twin, always hangin' around.
I think I'm a clone now. (a clone now)
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down.
I think I'm a clone now. (a clone now)
Lasagna
(parody of "La Bamba" by Los Lobos)
La-la-la-la-lasagna.
You want-a some-a lasagna, magnifico,
Or a-maybe spaghetti!
Ay, you supper's a-ready now, where you go?
Mama mia bambino!
Mama mia bambino, 'samatta you?
'Samatta you, 'samatta you?
You should-a taste my lasagna.
Ay, you no like-a lasagna,
That's okay too.
How about-a calzone?
Some-a nice minestrone, atsa good for you.
Have-a some marinara.
Have-a some marinara, I know you like.
I know you like, I know you like.
La-lasagna! La-lasagna! La-lasagna!
Would you like some-a zucchini?
Or-a my homemade linguini, it's hard to beat.
Have-a more fettucini.
Ay, you getting too skeeny, you gotta to eat.
Ay, mange, mange!
<gargle>
Ay, you-a pass the lasagna!
A-don't you get any on ya, you sloppy peeg.
Have-a more ravioli.
You-a get roly poly, a-nice and-a beeg.
Like you cousin Luigi.
Luigi, Luigi, capisce paisan?
Capisce paisan, capisce paisan?
La-lasagna! La-lasagna! La-lasagna! La-lasagna!
Hey! Hey!
Melanie
Me-he-he-helanie,
What can the problem be?
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie,
Why won't you go out with me?
She lived across the street on the fifteenth floor of the Galemore building.
I saw her in the shower reaching for some soap.
I knew she had to be the girl for me, and to think I probably never would have found her,
If I hadn't bought that telescope, oh.
Me-he-he-helanie,
What can the problem be?
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie,
Why won't you go out with me?
I just can't understand it.
Why won't you return my phone calls?
Are you still mad I gave a mohawk to your cat?
If you'd just say the word, I'm certain that our love would last forever and ever,
Or are you too dumb to realize that?
Me-he-he-helanie,
What can the problem be?
Sweet Me-he-he-he-ehlanie,
Why won't you go out with me?
How can you ignore me, when you know that I can't live without you?
I have to go through your garbage just to learn more about you.
Melanie, (ooh-ooh-ooh-)
Oh sweet Me-he-he-helanie,
Why won't you go out with me?
You weren't impressed when I tattooed your name across my forehead.
You wouldn't listen when I promised to be true.
I couldn't stand it, so I jumped out from the sixteenth story window right above you.
Now I may be dead but I still love you.
Me-he-he-helanie,
What can the problem be?
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie,
Why won't you go out with me?
Me-he-he-helanie,
What can the problem be?
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie,
Why won't you go out with me?
I'm singin' Me-he-he-helanie,
What can the problem be?
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie,
Why won't you go out with me?
I'm singin' Me-he-he-helanie,
What can the problem be?
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie,
Why won't you go out with me?
Singin' Me-he-he-helanie,
What can the problem be?
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie,
Why won't you go out with me?
Alimony
(parody of "Mony Mony" by Billy Idol)
Here she come now, wants her alimony.
Bleedin' me dry as a bony bony.
Work at three jobs just to stay in debt now.
Well first she took my nest egg, then she took the nest.
I said yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah.
'Cause she took my house. (alimony) My car, (alimony)
My shoes. (alimony) and my toothbrush too. (alimony)
Too bad. (alimony) So sad. (alimony)
A-she got. (alimony) got the gift of grab. (alimony)
I'm in debt (debt) debt (debt) debt (debt) debt (debt) debt (debt) debt.
Lawyer's callin' me on the telephony.
Tryin'-a squeeze-a blood from a stony stony.
Ooh, I took her for better or for worse, yeah.
Then she took me for everything, yeah everything
She could get (get) get (get) get (get) get (get) get.
Well I'm out of cash. (alimony) No dough.
I'm broke. (alimony) It's no joke.
The check's in the mail. (alimony) Get off (alimony)
My back. (alimony) cut me some slack. (alimony)
I said yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah.
(Ooh, I want my almo-mo-mony) Oh you do?
(Ooh, I want my almo-mo-mony) Is it due?
(Ooh, I want my almo-mo-mony) Or you'll sue?
(Ooh, I want my almo-mo-mony)
Alimony (yeah) mony (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah.
Wow! Alimony. Alimony. Alimony. Alimony.
I said, come on, come on, come on.
Alimony. Alimony. Alimony.
Bleed one dry, I said "no" (no) oh no (no) no (no) no (no) no, come on!
Alimony. Alimony.
Velvet Elvis
My life, it used to be incomplete,
Till I saw what I was looking for at a drive-in swap meet.
My life it won't be the same again.
Now I'm proud to say the king lives on inside my den.
Oh---, it's all I live for, it's all I need.
My velvet Elvis, my velvet Elvis.
My velvet Elvis means the world to me. Yo-oh, yo-oh, yo-oh oh oh.
Although he may not be worth much dough,
He means much more to me than some old Rembrandt or Van Gogh.
Check out those sideburns, there is nothing greater.
You can tell that he's no velvet Elvis imitator.
Oh---, It's all I live for, it's all I need.
My velvet Elvis, my velvet Elvis, my velvet Elvis.
Oh, now you can't you see,
My velvet Elvis, my velvet Elvis,
My velvet Elvis means the world to me.
Whoa-oh-oh-oh oh.
In my own private Graceland,
In my own little shrine to the king,
I don't want nothin' else.
No, I don't need anything.
Don't need no lava lamp,
Don't need no soap on a rope,
No pictures of Mexican kids with those really big eyes,
Or dogs playing poker. Oh---.
When I'm at home watching my TV,
I know the king is always looking down on me.
He looks so handsome, he stands so tall,
So glad he's big enough to cover up that hole in the wall.
(Velvet Elvis) He's so fuzzy.
(Velvet Elvis) He's so great.
(Velvet Elvis) Never ages.
(Velvet Elvis) Never puts on weight.
(Velvet Elvis) Look at those rhinestones.
(Velvet Elvis) He's just so fine.
(Velvet Elvis) You can look but don't touch now.
(Velvet Elvis) 'Cause he's mine all mine.
Whoa-oh-oh oh oh.
Twister
Yeah!
(Well) Well, Milton Bradley's got a def one.
It's a Twister! (Twister! Twister! Twister!)
Yeah, all the girls and homeboys
Playin' Twister! (Twister! Twister! Twister!)
Spin the spinner and call the shot.
Twister ties you up in a knot.
That's Twister.
Yeah, Twister!
Check it!
Right foot blue! (Right foot blue!)
Left hand red! (Left hand red!)
Left! Right! Yellow! Blue! Green!
Yeah, Twister!
Now, everybody's chillin'
With the Twister. (Twister!)
Wherever things are illin',
You'll find Twister! (Twister! Twister!)
That's Twister.
Yeah, Twister!
Yeah buddy!
You gotta get it.
Yeah Twister!
From M.B.!
Good Old Days
Oh sometimes I think back to when I was younger,
Life was so much simpler then.
Dad would be up at dawn,
He'd be waterin' the lawn,
Or maybe goin' fishin' again.
Oh, and Mom would be fixin' up somethin' in the kitchen,
Fresh biscuits or hot apple pies.
And I'd spend all day long in the basement, torturing
Rats with a hacksaw, and pulling the wings off of flies.
Those were the good old days.
Those were the good old days.
The years go by, but the memory stays.
And those were the good old days.
I can still remember good old Mister Fender,
Who ran the corner grocery store.
Oh, he'd stroll down the aisle with a big friendly smile,
And he'd say howdy when you walked in the door.
Always treated me nice,
Gave me kindly advice,
I don't know why I set fire to his place.
Oh, I'll never forget the day I bashed in his head.
Well, you should have seen the look on his face.
Lemme tell ya now,
Those were the good old days.
Those were the good old days.
The years go by, but the memory stays.
And those were the good old days.
Do you remember sweet Michele?
She was my high school romance.
She was fun to talk to, and nice to smell,
So I took her to the homecoming dance.
Then I tied her to a chair,
And I shaved off all her hair,
And I left her in the desert all alone.
Well, sometimes in my dreams,
I can still hear the screams,
Oh, I wonder if she ever made it home?
I tell ya,
Those were the good old days.
Those were the good old days.
The years go by, but the memory stays.
And those were the good old days.
Let me tell ya buddy,
Those were the good old days.
Those were the good old days.
The years go by, but the memory stays.
And those were the good old days.