Hello mudduh, hello fadduh,
Here I am at Camp Granada.
Camp is very entertaining,
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.
I went hiking with Joe Spivy.
He developed poison ivy.
You remember Leonard Skinner;
He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.
All the counselors hate the waiters,
And the lake has alligators.
And the head coach wants no sissies,
So he reads to us from something called Ulysses.
Now I don't want this should scare ya,
But my bunkmate has malaria.
You remember Jeffrey Hardy...
They're about to organize a searching party.
Take me home, oh mudduh, fadduh.
Take me home, I hate Granada.
Don't leave me out in the forest
Where I might get eaten by a bear.
Take me home, I promise I will not make noise
Or mess the house with other boys.
Oh please don't make me stay!
I've been here ONE -- WHOLE -- DAY.
Dearest fadduh, darling mudduh,
How's my precious little brudduh?
Let me come home if you miss me.
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.
Wait a minute...It's stopped hailing!
Guys are swiming, guys are sailing.
Playing baseball... gee, that's better!
Muddah, fadduh, kindly disregard this letter!