Plastic Jesus

This song is based on an incident, a recent incident; maybe you've had the same experience. Driving along a very busy street, in the afternoon traffic, with honking and screaming and scraping of fenders and sweating and swearing and dust and noise and heat, and you're just glued to the wheel, and it's horrible, and the honking, and somebody's bumping into your bumper. And then you look at the car next to you, and the guy that's driving along next to you is all cool and calm, and he has an expression of Buddha-like serenity plastered all over his face. And you wonder why he is so serene. And then, possibly, you look to his dashboard, and there you see, glowing in the afternoon sunlight, about a four-inch high plastic icon that is apparently supplying this serenity to him. Maybe this is how he heard about it and achieved this kind of satori.

*CLICK!*

Spoken:

Good morning, friends, this is the Hour of Reckoning.

Sung:

Hello, friends and neighbors,
How do you do?
We're here to pick and sing
And we hope we bring
Some happiness to you.

Spoken:

Hallelujah, friends and neighbors, here we are from Del Rio, Texas, every morning at five-thirty AM, brought to you by... by... the Pink and Pleasant Plastic Icon Company of Del Rio, Texas, every morning at five-thirty AM in the morning (hallelujah). Friends, now we have word for you from our sponsor, the Pink and Pleasant Plastic Icon Company of Del Rio, Texas (hallelujah)...

Sung:

I don't care if it rains or freezes
's long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car.
You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
Take Him with you when you're travelling far.

Spoken:

(Hallelujah) friends, yes you too can own one, for only a dollar and ninety-eight cents (no COD's, please), Del Rio, Texas. (Hallelujah) And friends, if you send in this week two dollars and ninety-eight cents, you'll get, in addition to your Pink and Pleasant Plastic Icon, you'll get a gen-u-ine, stimulated, Pink, Plastic Baby Jesus Television Light for your television set, with a halo that glows and rotates, easing eye-strain, and bringing in better reception, and friends (no COD's, please), and friends, if you do send in for this, this week, without fail, and put in fifty cents extra for stamps, (hallelujah), you friends, will receive, every day next week a different, a different member of the Holy Family, with a halo that glows and rotates, a television light antenna. Imagine, friends, the envy of your neighbors when they come in to watch Mitch Miller at your house, and they see the en-tire Holy Family, sitting on top of your television set, with their halos glowing and rotating, easing eye-strain, and bringing in better reception. Friends and neighbors (hallelujah), what better place for a family altar than the top of your television set?

Sung:

You can buy a Sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell.
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary,
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell.
(All together now!)

I don't care if it rains or freezes
's long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my